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Saturday, February 25, 2012

Your Heart Break Is Breaking You

I recently discovered the incredibly talented Audrey Assad.  I purchased her new album from the Amazon MP3 store and have been enamored by her vocal gifting and lyrical tenderness from song to song.  This song had me in tears because of the struggles in my own life, and I can relate so very clearly to the line, "So you lie in your bed, you won't let the morning come in.  And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and it's killing you.  Don't you know that it's killing me too, cause your heartbreak is breaking you."

You can buy the album from Amazon HERE

Audrey Assad - Breaking You, from the album "Heart."
You’ve been let down, it’s true
Your pain is so easy to see
You’re hunted by your history
and it feels like you’ve got no escape
Your life left you high and dry
You used to be sure of yourself
But then your whole world went to hell
and tomorrow looks like just like today
So, you lie on your bed, you wont let the morning come in
And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and its killing you
don’t you know
that its killing me too, cause your heart break is breaking you
I miss the life in your eyes
the home that I found in your arms
and now you don’t know who you are
but I wont give up on you
on no
You lie on your bed, you wont let the morning come in
And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and its killing
don’t you know
that its killing me too, cause your heart break is breaking you
and you lost your fight
and your flame’s gone out
and your down on your knees
cause your life is not what you thought it would be
lift up your head
help is on the way
and it wont pass you by
you just gotta reach out your hand
lift up your eyes
love is on the way
and it wont pass you by
you just gotta reach out your hand
go on and lift up your head
because love is on its way
and it wont pass you by
you’ve just gotta reach out your hand

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Hard to Blog

When you have kids and life seems to overwhelm you every day, it sure is hard to find the time to blog.  I really miss it and the cathartic release it brings.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Looking For Grace While Frustrated in Front of the Fridge

There are times when I feel like I feel like I've lost all the grace that I'm able to give this world, and in particular, my family.   This has been exacerbated by the fact that my spiritual life has seemed to vaporize before me over the last couple of months.  Nevertheless, I still feel God near because, well, God is always for me and with me.   His grace is always enough for me.  

Yesterday I found myself at the end of my rope and felt like I was suspension bridge as the last of the cords unraveled from the post.  In addition to my children wearing my patience thin, work had proved to be quite overwhelming that day.  And after cooking dinner for the kids, I simply wanted to sit down and raise my feet on the recliner.   

Fat chance.

I couldn't seem to leave the kitchen no matter how hard I tried.  Dirty dishes, hot food, hot oven, frozen meat, and spilled lemonade all beckoned me to stay with them.   When I finally attempted to rearrange the freezer to make room for the fish sticks and tater tots, an entire shelf leapt at me and cascaded about a dozen frozen packages onto me and then the floor.   

That's when I told God how I felt.  And I was NOT happy with Him.

I got on my knees to pick up the ziplock bags and scattered tots on the floor when in tears I started talking, "God, why do you do this to me?  I can't do this.  This is not the way I want to worship You."

Then it hit me.  An invisible stream of warmth made my body tingle while goose bumps danced upon my arms.  It was God's silent grace lifting my burden ever so gently.   By that time I was on both knees on the kitchen floor with my hands over my head.  And I realized something I said that brought me conviction of spirit.  I wanted to worship God on MY terms, not His.  I acknowledged to Him that I was looking to worship Him when it was convenient for me and not simply because He is Yahweh... the I AM.  

I realized where my heart was, and it wasn't in a good place.   Quite frankly, it's not been in a good place a lot lately.  I've been less patient, more easily frustrated, and I've often raised my voice at my kids more than I've spent nurturing them and showering them with kisses and love.   This inner conviction was so gentle  and has continued until this evening when I had to have a heart to heart with my son.   Not once did I raise my voice but disciplined him with a loving, gentle spirit... very much the same way I felt the Holy Spirit's tender conviction yesterday on the kitchen floor.  And he received my exhortation with little  static from him in return.

You know what the Bible says about mercy, huh?  Mercy triumphs over judgement.

Thank you for your holiness and grace, precious Abba.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Miss Me?

Goodness me, it's been over two months since I cared for and watered this plant, I mean, page with a blog post.  I've had lots to write about but have been wrapped up with playing video games with my son (okay and by myself!), as well as just staying busy in life. 

I'll be back very soon with some fresh content and ideas, and hopefully even get some music pieces on here too.  Thanks for checking in on me once in a while!

Lori Grace

Saturday, May 15, 2010

When to Leave God

Leaving the faith... a topic I don't usually see other Christians discuss so openly.  Perhaps it's because we've all considered walking away from God when our lives fell apart.  Or maybe we lost faith and were so filled with condemnation we didn't think God would want us back.

Or maybe we tire of the same routine of going to church on Sunday, Bible Study or cell groups during mid-week, then we drag ourselves through the rest of the week, usually in failure.

Such is the life of many Christians I know, including myself.

I remember a Keith Green song:

To obey is better than sacrifice,
I don't need your money, I want your life.
And I hear you say that I'm coming back soon,
But you act like I'll never return.

How often do we find ourselves thinking that we're "good with God" just because we show up for church services on Sunday and speak Christianese?  I've never led anyone to Christ because they knew how much time and money I gave to my church. 

God doesn't expect us to be perfect, though Paul admonishes us to "aim for perfection."   He knew that His grace would cover us because we were in need of grace.   For whatever reason, whether through hurt, sorrow, or bitterness, we come to the point where we stop turning to God and turn and walk away.
I"ve almost done that.  Many times.   In fact I used to struggle that I too would somehow fall from God's grace so far that His long merciful arm could not reach me.  But I was wrong.  

Every time I found myself turning to give up on God, he proved that he was there and that he never gave up on me.  God understood my frailties, and though I'm sure he was saddened when I wandered, he did more than wait patiently for my return.  He let the rain fall on me and showered me with his faithfulness.  

I was asked a question this morning: "Why didn't you leave God and how do you keep the faith?"

My answer was "The plain truth is this: I can't leave the faith because God never left me."

Thursday, May 13, 2010

God, Be God

This morning I was hit with some memories of a painful past.  Sitting alone in front of my computer, I found myself facing the floor so the tears pouring out would not smear the mascara around my eyes.  That worked minimally. 

I sat there alone for several minutes, staring at the floor and glad no one walked in on me.   The sorrowful thoughts began to consume me until I finally stopped myself and silently cried out:

God, be God in my sorrow.
God, be God in my pain.

God, you are God in my sorrow.
God, you are still God in my pain.

As I lifted my heart's cry to my Comforter, I could feel the feet of spirit steady and regain its footing.  I also felt a need to be still and ease into what felt like being cradled by my Creator.   Find rest, oh my soul in God alone...

This evening I came across a post on that reminded me of what happened today.   It reminds me that I need to resolve to yield a spirit of praise even when things aren't going my way.   I wonder if I'll ever learn.  I at least have to try, knowing that His grace covers me.

You can read that post HERE.